Stonehenge: a darn big calendar that doesn't look anything like lady parts.

LYRIC O’ THE DAY:

Though he's wild and he's bad

And sometimes just plain mad.

I need him to keep me satisfied.

--Misguided Angel, Cowboy Junkies

I watched This Is Spinal Tap a few nights ago, which gave me the idea for this Sunday’s Mythbusters.  If you are not familiar with the Rob Reiner mockumentary, there’s a scene based on the true story of Black Sabbath (sans Ozzy Osbourne) using a set inspired by Stonehenge.  There were some issues with the measurements, and a parody of microlithic proportion was born.  Go to 2:12 to see what I mean.

Stonehenge is a prehistoric monument found in Southern England about 90 miles west of London on the Salisbury plain.  The site was used for ritual as early as 7000 B.C., although construction of Stonehenge as we know it did not start until around 3100 B.C.  It has been proposed that the axis of the monument is based around the midsummer solstice sunrise, although recently others have suggested the opposite. 

Stonehenge today.

Aerial view showing the surrounding embankment and ditch.

There are believed to be three distinct phases of build.  The first detectable part created was an outer circular band of embankments and ditches, with an inner circle of 56 holes, named Aubrey holes for the man who described them.  During the second phase, these holes were partially filled with timber, and new holes created.  Some speculate that a temple of wood stood on the site during this period.  The third phase, which lasted until 1500 B.C., involved the erection of stones on the site.  

Phase One

Stonehenge is made from three types of rock--Welsh Cosheston sandstone, a hard sandstone with silaceous cement referred to as Sarsen stone, and Bluestone.  The outer circle consisted of 30 Sarsen stones (only 17 still stand), joined across their tops by what are called lintel stones.  An inner horseshoe of trilithons (pairs of stones with a single lintel) was also created from Sarsen stones.  The largest of these was 25 feet high, with another 8 feet below ground.

Trilithon stone at Stonehenge.

Stonehenge at completion.

The two Bluestone circles within the sarsen formations elicit the most controversy.  Bluestone is traced to the Preseli mountains in southwest Wales.  The distance to Preseli is 200 miles and involves waterways and rough terrain.  Although people have used techniques of ropes and pulleys and log rolling to move similar stones (i.e. like the pyramids), a journey of that proportion seems impossible--especially over water.  In addition, no evidence has been found in the mountains of significant quarrying.  A team of Stonehenge enthusiasts tried to recreate the journey, but they lost their bluestone at the bottom of one of the waterways.  A more recent theory claims that glaciation--not human effort--is the reason such stones were found in the area.  Still, there is no definite explanation for how the builders of this monument moved the stones on site--especially when the stones of the trilithons weighed up to 50 tons a piece, and the smallest stones are at least four tons.  Some suggest that the extra boulders and stones that have been found at the site were used as devices to move and pivot stones into position.

Schematic on how to place a 50 ton stone.

There are a few special stones that are part of Stonehenge lore.  The Heel stone (aka Friar’s stone or Sun stone) stands outside the main circle and is made from sarsen stone.  It is connected to the summer solstice and creates a frame for the sun when it rises.  The Altar stone is the central megalith and is the only stone made from a type of mica-filled sandstone.  The Slaughter stone, a stone with a reddish stain due to iron oxidation, was named when Stonehenge was still thought to be a place of ritual virgin sacrifice.  It is now felt to represent part of the main entrance to Stonehenge. 

Looking at Stonehenge from the Heel Stone, the Slaughter stone is in the foreground.

There is quite a bit of romance surrounding who actually built Stonehenge.  Celtic folklore links Stonehenge to Giants, which they thought were the progeny of fallen angels.  During one raging party, the Giants danced in a circle holding hands.  The noise alerted the heavens of their existence, and they were frozen into a stone circle for eternity.  Major party foul. 

  

The Devil also has been blamed for the creation of Stonehenge.  In Irish folklore, the Devil swindled an old Irish woman out of the stones, and then repositioned them on the Salisbury Plain.  He taunted the local villagers to give him the correct count of the stones, or face misery.  After the villagers had all guessed too few, a monk faced the Devil and gave his answer, which was simply “more than be counted.”  This enraged the Horny one, and he threw one of the stones at the monk, pinning him to the ground by his heel--which may be why the front stone is called the Heel stone.  There is still superstition today that if you count the stones you bring the wrath of the devil upon you.

You wouldn't throw stones at a monk, right Oz?

Arthurian legend is also connected to Stonehenge.  Supposedly, the stones were to be brought to the site as a war memorial.  However, since the stones were originally placed by Giants, there was no way to move them--until Merlin came along and zapped them to their current position.

Back in the realm of less magical species, another popular myth claims the Druids are responsible.  The Druids were an ancient priesthood of philosophers, poets, and seers.  They followed solemn--and sometimes gory--ceremonies of their religion, including human sacrifice.  However, the Celtic tribes that spawned the Druids did not exist until around 300 B.C., too late to take credit for the stone circle.  The Druids possibly used Stonehenge as a ritual site, although this seems to be a more modern practice.  In 1905 the Ancient Order of Druids performed initiation ceremonies at Stonehenge.  However, the debauchery at Druidic celebrations ultimately led to the group losing its privileges to hold their festivals there.

Druid initiation ceremony at Stonehenge, 1905.

Much less fantastic, but probably the most factual, is the suggestion that two neolithic agrarian tribes, the Beakers and their later counterparts the Wessex peoples, were responsible for the creation of Stonehenge and did so as part of their religious beliefs.

I built Stonehenge?

The question of why was Stonehenge built has been debated since the place was first discovered.

Most feel Stonehenge has religious significance and was a ritual burial ground for tribes and their ancestors.  The Beakers were sun worshippers and the connection of the stones with solstices seems to support this theory, as well as their arrangement along the lines of sunrise.  

Stonehenge at Sunrise, midsummer solstice.

Professor Geoffrey Wainwright has suggested that Stonehenge functioned as a healing commune.  Burial sites from around the area have showed remains of people with serious disease and injury, and over half of them were from places beyond the Stonehenge area.  However, there is no record of any special healing wisdoms passed down in the culture of this area.  Wainwright asserts that it may have functioned not for physical wellness, but as a religious healing center.

The idea of Stonehenge representing a prehistoric calendar has also been suggested.  It is an attractive theory, highlighting this period where hunter/gatherer tribes were transitioning to more agricultural based cultures.  The stones may have functioned like a primitive almanac using the moon's phases.

Gerald Hawkins, Professor of Astronomy from Boston University, expanded on the calendar belief by suggesting Stonehenge was an ancient observatory used to predict the movement of the stars and planets.  He and his team were able to predict cycles of planetary movements off of the stones, including eclipses.  His work was notable, partly because he used one of the first IBM computers to calculate his equations.  He coined the term “neolithic computer” when he later discussed Stonehenge's relationship to astronomy. 

Some less tangible theories include the idea that Stonehenge represents a portal to other worlds.  This idea was propagated by the Druid culture, who described each stone as a “gate” that gave the ability to enter certain Fey worlds.  Like Stargate, only without the flight suits.

I really loved this show.

This area is also famous for other oddities of nature, namely crop circles and UFO sightings.  It is reputed to have strong electromagnetic forces, and is the epicenter of several key ley lines, which are ancient pathways used for both travel and spiritual purposes.  When Stonehenge is combined with two other ley associated sites nearby, a right triangle pointing towards magnetic north appears. This has led to the claim that Stonehenge is an ancient radar beacon for extra-terrestrials.

The theory that suggests porn had loftier origins came out around 2003.  A scholar from British Columbia declared that Stonehenge was a prehistoric tribute to the Mother Earth Goddess.  The stones were basically a representation of Big Momma Gaia’s lady parts.  “The vagina monoliths”, as the media dubbed it, never really caught on as a seriously considered theory.

There have been many attempts to recreate the oddity of Stonehenge.  The first was the Maryhill Stonehenge in Washington, dedicated in 1918 as a WWI memorial.  In Ingram, Texas, there's a full scale replica using plaster and wire frames.  Burning Man offered their own interpretation in Twinkiehenge in 2001. 

Twinkiehenge

But my favorite recreation of Stonehenge exists in my great state of Nebraska.  Carhenge is a Stonehenge replica built from 38 automobiles by artist Jim Reinders.  He constructed it in 1987 as a memorial for his late father.  A 1962 Cadillac takes the honor of being the heel stone.

Carhenge from above.

Detail of Carhenge.

Whether dedicated to a religion based on the sun or part of a greater tool to calculate the celestial measurements of our universe, Stonehenge is a truly amazing example of humanity’s ability to do the impossible.  We may never know what its original intended use was, although I have an idea . . . 

Those damn pigs.

Maturity Insecurity

LYRIC O’ THE DAY:

I’m not your lover, I’m not your friend.

I am something that you’ll never comprehend.

--I Would Die 4 U, Prince

My body is turning on me.

Crawling out of bed in the morning is a little harder than it was ten years ago.  My hands hurt.  I can’t open diet Coke bottles anymore.  I have gas, and frequently.  Parts of me that used to look a man straight in the eye now stare at the ground.  I’ve had surgery on places where no one should have to have surgery.

My youth has taken off like a prom dress, despite Estee Lauder’s promises.

Although I’m not looking forward to hot flashes or hair growing where it shouldn’t, I have decided to embrace one age-related affliction:  selective hearing.  For example, my 70 year-old father can’t hear my mother yelling to turn the football game down when she’s only a foot away in her recliner, but if I open a sack of chocolate covered peanuts from three rooms over while listening to AC/DC, he’s asking for one.

I’m hoping selective hearing will help me with this nagging voice in my head.  It’s been with me for as long as I can remember, like an inconvenient birthmark that sounds like Fran Drescher.  And when that voice starts, she goes for the jugular.  I call these periods a Bitchy Inner Monologue Beast Outbreak--or BIMBO for short.

BIMBO:  Are you still working on the same story?  You’re never going to get that thing published.  Surrender the fantasy. 

Me:  I think I can polish it.

BIMBO:  Can’t polish a turd.

Me:  It’s not that bad.

BIMBO:  Snooki called.  She wants her manuscript back.

Me:  The bachelorette party scene is funny.  All my betas laugh. 

BIMBO:  They laugh the polite laughter of people who think you’re two steps from losing it.  Same thing they do when you wear your jeggings.

Me:  Well, maybe it is missing something. 

BIMBO:  I think I know what you’re missing--it’s called plot.

Me:  There’s no motivation for the main character.  And I need less backstory.

BIMBO:  You need more pizazz.  Put another sex scene there.

Me:  That’s a funeral scene.

BIMBO:  Not if you make the corpse sparkly.  Necrophilia is only bad if you’re human.

Me:  Do you think I’m a terrible writer?

BIMBO:  Yes.  Although your grocery lists are quite riveting.  Who knew there were so many types of vodka?

Me:  Maybe if I cut the first three chapters and start with the car crash scene.  OMIGOD!  That’s brilliant!

BIMBO:  Uh, are you listening to me?  You should seriously consider a different career path.  Something you’re good at, like making poor fashion choices or collating paper.

Me:  I can do this!  I’m awesome.  

BIMBO:  HELLO?  Have you looked at yourself in the mirror today?  Because that antioxidant cream you bought is a total rip off.  I suggest you invest in paper bags.

Me:  Did you say something?  Because I think I just heard somebody open some chocolate peanuts.

Doubt and insecurity are unavoidable and affect us all--just like aging.  But truly growing up as a writer involves using that selective hearing to ignore the BIMBOs.  Here’s to being a mature writer, both chronologically and methodically. 

Happy Insecure Writer’s Support Group Wednesday!  For more tales from the trenches, visit Alex J. Cavanaugh’s blog, he’s the one that made this all possible. 

With this ring

LYRIC O’ THE DAY:

Will you be my, be my beloved?

Will you help, help me to get through?

Will you be my, be my destruction?

Will you help, help me to be through?

--Ever and A Day, A.F.I.

I’m feeling a bit sentimental, so this Sunday’s Mythbusters is going to veer into the realm of symbolism and folklore, another of my favorite topics.  You see, the Hubs and I celebrated 9 years together, and as I looked at the band of gold on my hand, I just had to wonder . . . is there magic in this ring on my finger?

Rings have been symbols imbued with significance and power since ancient times, although their meanings have not always been what Tiffany & Co. would have you believe.

The ring is viewed as a symbol of eternity--something with no beginning and no end, no direction and no break.  It encompasses all space and time.  Some of the first ornamental rings mimicked a serpent eating its tail.  The consumption and rebirth of the figure was felt to represent the cyclical nature of life. 

A ring could give the wearer various strengths--from invisibility to immortality.  Magical rings are part of several cultures--Odin wore an arm ring that regenerated itself.  King Solomon had a ring that gave him power over demons and animals.  Literature also celebrates the mystique of the ring.  Merlin was the victim of a ring that carried a love spell.  And who can forget the bauble that put Middle Earth back on the map, J.R.R. Tolkein’s The One Ring.  

Gratuitous picture of Viggo Mortensen.  

The first rings were documented in ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs and probably evolved from the use of official seals, i.e. signet rings.  In other parts of the ancient world, rings were worn by Celtic tribes and fashioned of iron or stone.  In their myths, it was believed that rings anchored the soul in the body and prevented demons from entering.

The Greeks and Romans initially shared this not-so-romantic view of the ring.  Although they were given during marriage, in most cases they symbolized the groom’s financial commitment to the bride--and the bride's duty and subservience to the groom.  The ring was simply a symbol of being bound and was probably connected to the story of Prometheus.  Prometheus, of foie gras fame, was forced to wear a link of his chain as a ring to serve as a reminder of being bound to the rock and “owing” the Gods.  

Prometheus at Rockefeller Center

Later in the Roman Empire, rings were used to designate social classes.  It is not until the 2nd century that the Roman comedic poet Plautus finally documents the ring as a symbol of love.  Unfortunately, Hannibal misses the romance memo and uses his ring to poison himself to escape capture by the Romans after the second Punic War.

I have a poison ring that looks like this.  For those Lucrezia Borgia days.

Christians started using plain gold rings in their wedding ceremonies in the 8th century, which was around the time clerical rings were appearing as well.  Diamonds did not become a girl’s best friend until 1477, when Emperor Maximillian I gave the first known diamond engagement ring to Mary of Burgundy.  Interestingly, rings for husbands didn’t gain popularity until post-WWII when marketing efforts placed value on celebrating marriage.  Only 15% of pre-Depression era marriages were a double ring ceremony.

In the past, the placement of the ring was probably more important than its appearance.

The issue of left versus right hand was derived from ancient Egyptians’ belief that a vein ran from the ring finger of the left hand straight to the heart--the vena amoris. However, in some places in the Ukraine and Germany, the right hand is the proper hand for a marriage ring--they were a little less creative about the anatomy of the human body than the Egyptians.  In symbolic terms, the left hand is often viewed as the receptive hand--it receives energy and gathers information in a subconscious fashion.  The right hand is the active hand--it gives energy and is a symbol of awareness.  Depending on what the wearer desires to achieve with their ring, either hand may be appropriate.  

During the Renaissance, a person might wear a ring to announce their occupation or place in life.  Thumb was for medical practioners, index was a merchant or salesman, middle was for a fool (I’m thinking not too many middle finger ring wearers back then), third was for the student, and the pinky was for lovers.

He may be a fool, but
he can walk in the daylight with that ring

Because of its roots in pagan and ornamental usage, some Puritans believed that wedding rings should be forbidden, citing Biblical admonitions against wearing gold or pearls or costly attire.  In an effort to make the ring seem a bit more Christian, The Book of Common Prayer in the 1500s declared that the thumb, index and middle finger represented the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.  The next finger was designated okay for use by humanity. 

For those unhitched, each finger can symbolize and/or help emphasize certain qualities.  The thumb represents self-assertion and power of will.  The index finger, or the Jupiter finger, represents leadership abilities, ambition, and self confidence.  Saturn is the middle finger and channels a person’s sense of law and justice.  It forces introspection and self analysis.  Apollo is the ring finger and represents love of beauty, creativity and expression of self.  The little finger is Mercury, and speaks of intuition and communication, especially if used in manipulation.  Now I understand the roots behind the mafioso pinky ring.

Tony Soprano rocks the pinky ring.

Some of my favorite rings have nothing to do with precious metals.  Since I have mad love for anything paranormal, the ring of salt as popularized by Supernatural is always a good one. 

I’m also a fan of fairy rings.

Circle of mushrooms called a fairy ring.  

And onion rings.

And salt rings of all kinds.

So after all of this, is there magic in a ring?  I think after nine years I can honestly say . . . yes.

Lexiconfusion

LYRIC O’ THE DAY:

Her heart, her heart’s like crazing paving, upside down and back to front.

She says ooh, it’s so hard to love when love was sure great disappointment.

--Rattlesnakes, Lloyd Cole and the Commotions

The amazing Miss Tara Tyler from Tara Tyler Talks awarded me the Blog on Fire award!  I was pretty excited to get this award; I was needing a little fire for my soul this week.  Part of the tithe for this Fiery Meme is to come up with seven things (it’s always seven--this must be the blogger’s lucky number) to share.

I owe the inspiration for my response to a feisty 78 year-old patient.  Thanks to her, I’d like to dedicate this award to lexiconfusion.  That’s my word for when you totally misuse, misappropriate, and misconstrue language, often with hilarious results.

One of my favorite movies, The Princess Bride, highlights and calls out lexiconfusion in this inconceivable montage:

Here are my seven favorite examples of lexiconfusions, starting with the patient who inspired it all:

1.  “Doc, I had the air syphilis last year.  Took some antibiotics and cleared it right up.”  Chart review showed the patient had erysipelas, a skin infection caused by a type of Strep bacteria.  Syphilis is not transmitted by air.  Take a big sigh of relief, reality TV stars.

2.  Politicians offer the best lexiconfusions (remember Dan Quayle?)  There’s even a Wikipedia page dedicated to Bushisms.  One of W.’s best is from a speech he gave November 6, 2000 in Arkansas, in which he spoke of his critics:  “They misunderestimated me.”  I feel that way too some days.

3.  As a kid, I was a huge fan of the TV show Knight Rider, which showcased David Hasselhoff in his pre-Baywatch and burgerlust days.  I feel the need to Hassle the Hoff about this quote he gave a few years ago:  “I’ve got taste.  It's inbred in me.”

Perhaps the reason I love lexiconfusion so much is that I am a frequent victim.  I have a knack for screwing up song lyrics, which is the basis for #4 and #5.


4.  There was a time when I listened to sappy ballads.  It was Nebraska in the 80s and I had a perm, so I blame chemicals and low hanging power lines.  Me and the girls would wallflower on the bleachers during junior high dances and sing “Making Love out of Nothing At All”--but I thought the song went like this:  And I know when to pull your clothes off, and I know when to let you loose.  

The actual line is I know when to pull you closer.  Should have known my interpretation was way too racy for Air Supply--but what do you expect with a video like this?  (1:00 is the lyric in question)

5.  Manfred Mann’s Earth Band provided another lyric for me to butcher:  Blinded by the light, wrapped up like a douche, another roamer in the night.  I didn’t know what a douche was, and thanks to Webster’s I looked it up and was horrified to imagine why Manfred Mann was weighing in on the virtues of feminine hygiene.  Manfred and Summer’s Eve need to know that while the vagina may be the cradle of life and the center of civilization, it is definitely a self-cleaning organ.  Hail to the V, indeed.

Years later I found out that the actual lyric is revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night.  Maybe Manfred should have stuck with the original Springsteen lyrics to avoid lexiconfusion, although I still don’t know what the hell a deuce is--wrapped, revved, or cut loose.  

6.  During my day job, I shape young physicians’ minds, which is as frightening to me as it probably is to you.  Especially when you say something like this to the eager little sponges:

Me:  “His blood cultures are positive.  Did you call micro lab for the orgasm?”

Resident:  “Do you mean organism?”

Me (straight faced):  “Actually, I understand the lab offers all sorts of new services.  It’s a tough economy.”

Resident (confused):  “We need to go to morning report now.”

They just don’t get my humor.

7.  Last, but certainly not least, as if you needed another reason to avoid blind dates. . .

When I was a medical student, I worked with an internist who wanted to live vicariously through me, so she set me up on blind dates with friends of her son.  One date will be etched in my amygdala for the rest of my life.

Blind date guy (let’s call him Dude) took me on a date on the Belle of Brownville, an old time paddlewheel boat reminiscent of Tom Sawyer.  So, in case you're not following:  blind date, two hour boat ride, and I can't swim.  

Dude was sweet and had big muscles, but he was a teeny bit arrogant and dumber than a box of rocks.  As blind date conversations will sometimes do, talk turned to the X-men, and a heated discussion of the best super powers began.

I expressed my love of Professor Xavier’s telepathic ability, but Dude was feeling the all powerful "survival of the fittest" vibe from Apocalypse.  I believe his words were:  "I'd want to be super-powerful, like a God."  And I said, “Yeah, might be cool to be omnipotent.”

Dude blushed.  Then cleared his throat and pinned me with a manly stare, saying:  “No way.  I never have that problem.  Not even when I’m drunk.”

There was not a second date.

I think a great Halloween costume this year would be a Freudian slip, don’t you?

Technically, this is probably a Freudian tutu.

I pass the fire on to a few wonderful bloggers:

Carrie at Where I Get Wordy. . .

Clarissa at Listening to the Voices

Lady Laila at Untroubled Kingdom of Laila Knight

Kelly Polark because she has two awesome blogs, one dedicated to what the celebs are reading.

Have you ever experienced lexiconfusion?

Happy Friday everyone!