Lexiconfusion

LYRIC O’ THE DAY:

Her heart, her heart’s like crazing paving, upside down and back to front.

She says ooh, it’s so hard to love when love was sure great disappointment.

--Rattlesnakes, Lloyd Cole and the Commotions

The amazing Miss Tara Tyler from Tara Tyler Talks awarded me the Blog on Fire award!  I was pretty excited to get this award; I was needing a little fire for my soul this week.  Part of the tithe for this Fiery Meme is to come up with seven things (it’s always seven--this must be the blogger’s lucky number) to share.

I owe the inspiration for my response to a feisty 78 year-old patient.  Thanks to her, I’d like to dedicate this award to lexiconfusion.  That’s my word for when you totally misuse, misappropriate, and misconstrue language, often with hilarious results.

One of my favorite movies, The Princess Bride, highlights and calls out lexiconfusion in this inconceivable montage:

Here are my seven favorite examples of lexiconfusions, starting with the patient who inspired it all:

1.  “Doc, I had the air syphilis last year.  Took some antibiotics and cleared it right up.”  Chart review showed the patient had erysipelas, a skin infection caused by a type of Strep bacteria.  Syphilis is not transmitted by air.  Take a big sigh of relief, reality TV stars.

2.  Politicians offer the best lexiconfusions (remember Dan Quayle?)  There’s even a Wikipedia page dedicated to Bushisms.  One of W.’s best is from a speech he gave November 6, 2000 in Arkansas, in which he spoke of his critics:  “They misunderestimated me.”  I feel that way too some days.

3.  As a kid, I was a huge fan of the TV show Knight Rider, which showcased David Hasselhoff in his pre-Baywatch and burgerlust days.  I feel the need to Hassle the Hoff about this quote he gave a few years ago:  “I’ve got taste.  It's inbred in me.”

Perhaps the reason I love lexiconfusion so much is that I am a frequent victim.  I have a knack for screwing up song lyrics, which is the basis for #4 and #5.


4.  There was a time when I listened to sappy ballads.  It was Nebraska in the 80s and I had a perm, so I blame chemicals and low hanging power lines.  Me and the girls would wallflower on the bleachers during junior high dances and sing “Making Love out of Nothing At All”--but I thought the song went like this:  And I know when to pull your clothes off, and I know when to let you loose.  

The actual line is I know when to pull you closer.  Should have known my interpretation was way too racy for Air Supply--but what do you expect with a video like this?  (1:00 is the lyric in question)

5.  Manfred Mann’s Earth Band provided another lyric for me to butcher:  Blinded by the light, wrapped up like a douche, another roamer in the night.  I didn’t know what a douche was, and thanks to Webster’s I looked it up and was horrified to imagine why Manfred Mann was weighing in on the virtues of feminine hygiene.  Manfred and Summer’s Eve need to know that while the vagina may be the cradle of life and the center of civilization, it is definitely a self-cleaning organ.  Hail to the V, indeed.

Years later I found out that the actual lyric is revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night.  Maybe Manfred should have stuck with the original Springsteen lyrics to avoid lexiconfusion, although I still don’t know what the hell a deuce is--wrapped, revved, or cut loose.  

6.  During my day job, I shape young physicians’ minds, which is as frightening to me as it probably is to you.  Especially when you say something like this to the eager little sponges:

Me:  “His blood cultures are positive.  Did you call micro lab for the orgasm?”

Resident:  “Do you mean organism?”

Me (straight faced):  “Actually, I understand the lab offers all sorts of new services.  It’s a tough economy.”

Resident (confused):  “We need to go to morning report now.”

They just don’t get my humor.

7.  Last, but certainly not least, as if you needed another reason to avoid blind dates. . .

When I was a medical student, I worked with an internist who wanted to live vicariously through me, so she set me up on blind dates with friends of her son.  One date will be etched in my amygdala for the rest of my life.

Blind date guy (let’s call him Dude) took me on a date on the Belle of Brownville, an old time paddlewheel boat reminiscent of Tom Sawyer.  So, in case you're not following:  blind date, two hour boat ride, and I can't swim.  

Dude was sweet and had big muscles, but he was a teeny bit arrogant and dumber than a box of rocks.  As blind date conversations will sometimes do, talk turned to the X-men, and a heated discussion of the best super powers began.

I expressed my love of Professor Xavier’s telepathic ability, but Dude was feeling the all powerful "survival of the fittest" vibe from Apocalypse.  I believe his words were:  "I'd want to be super-powerful, like a God."  And I said, “Yeah, might be cool to be omnipotent.”

Dude blushed.  Then cleared his throat and pinned me with a manly stare, saying:  “No way.  I never have that problem.  Not even when I’m drunk.”

There was not a second date.

I think a great Halloween costume this year would be a Freudian slip, don’t you?

Technically, this is probably a Freudian tutu.

I pass the fire on to a few wonderful bloggers:

Carrie at Where I Get Wordy. . .

Clarissa at Listening to the Voices

Lady Laila at Untroubled Kingdom of Laila Knight

Kelly Polark because she has two awesome blogs, one dedicated to what the celebs are reading.

Have you ever experienced lexiconfusion?

Happy Friday everyone!