Monday, October 24, 2011

Neighbors From Hell--Third Campaigner Challenge

And as hard as they would try, they’d hurt to make you cry.
But you never cried to them, just to your soul.
--Small Town Boy, Bronski Beat

I’m getting my offering for Rachael Harrie’s Third Campaigner Challenge in right at the wire.  For this one, we had to come up with a 300 word short story involving a character at the beach in the morning, a foul smell, a sense of boredom, and a surprise ending.  This was a challenge in the five senses, with focus on showing, not telling.  Finally, just for fun, you could also include the pseudo-words tacise, wastopaneer, and synbatec.  I have to admit, this one was the hardest of all.  Many thanks to Rach and all the campaigners, judges, and helpers that have made this such an amazing opportunity to meet new folks in the writerly blogosphere.  You guys rock!

Neighbors from Hell

The summer crowds are back in Tacise.  Tanned and toned collegiates with the vapid stares of youth, looking for a no-strings-attached hookup.

The beach house next door to mine is a rental.  Three southern gents moved in for the season with Confederate flags, six packs of Synbatec, and Waylon Jennings on the stereo.  Every morning those wastopaneers have interrupted my sleep with the reverb of Classic Country bass.

But today, a sliver of pink sunrise spills under the blinds in my beachfront bedroom, accompanied by nothing but glorious silence.

Yawning, I cat-stretch, enjoying the subtle burn of overused muscles.  My mouth is tacky and hot, a rancid stench wreathing my head.  I slide my tongue across my teeth, sampling their copper-penny tang.

My gaze drops to the bed, black satin a sharp contrast to the pale sinewy leg partly wrapped in the sheets.  I nonchalantly trace the sharp line of his hip, the broad expanse of his chest smooth like an Abercrombie model.  Last night, his face was all hard, arrogant lines when I made my proposition.  Now his swollen lips and golden eyelashes fanned against his cheeks look cherubic.

Pushing up on my hands, I acknowledge another arm wrapped around my waist, dark hair swirling like spiderwebs against white skin.  This one’s face is hidden beneath a cowboy hat, but I can still recall his aquiline nose and dark eyes, full of anticipation and greed when we started.

He became quite a giving lover.

At the foot of the bed, the third one moans softly. Chestnut hair tumbles past his shoulders, one lank strand falling right beside the soft pulse in his neck.  Slower than it was last night, but still strong.

My stomach twists, hungry again.  There are risks to being a noisy neighbor.

Thought this one fit nicely into the Halloween season.  Hope you enjoyed it.  I actually missed the deadline by 15 minutes--dang my confusion with time zones, anyway!


  1. Sad you missed it! Still a great story! Vampires the way they should be :)

  2. .
    >>...and Waylon Jennings on the stereo.

    Uh... totally dig "The Outlaw" - best concert I ever saw (yeah, all four performances) - but when the mention of Waylon seems to be the most tame thing in the story... I'm way outta my element.

    I'm actually afraid I might have actually understood what this story was all about.

    Give me the good ol' days, when one Waylon was mo' than wild enough.

    "Everything I've ever really needed to know, I've found in one Waylon Jennings song or another."
    ~ Professor Yoey O'Dogherty

    Ha! And to think that until just now I believed that I and the rest of "The League Of Soul Crusaders" were "the wildest, the wildest things we'd ever seen" (to steal a line from Springsteen).

    This blog may be too... uh... too... too TOO! for me.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

  3. Wow, cool story. I liked the "quite the giving lover" line :).

  4. that was definitely a winner!
    excellent sensational language!

  5. How do I define an excellent writer?

    When the author can take a topic that I don't really have an interest, and make me want to read a story; then leaving me wanting more.

    Your vocabulary and writing style is exceptional Julie.

  6. Woohoo! Nothing like a good vampire fest. Loved the story. So did the woman look like you? :)

  7. Very well written! I was wanting to read more.

  8. Ha! I like the way your mind works. Nice job.

  9. Dang! Yes, too bad you missed it. Wonderfully descriptive!

  10. What description! So vivid, and I love the twist!

  11. Yeah this is steamy hot. Your prose is a joy to read.

  12. Excellent. Quite a pleasure to read.

  13. I agree "giving lover is mine have too. Good read!

  14. Oh yes, sexy and deadly. Perfect :-)

  15. Wow, now we know what goes on in your head! Great read :-)

  16. Awesome story, Julie. Thanks for sharing it. =o)

  17. Loved this line: "dark hair swirling like spiderwebs against white skin"
    What a great simile.

  18. LOVED this so much! You rock and you're one of the greatest bloggers out there =D

  19. Nice work. Such great details woven into the narrative. But I'm sorry you missed the deadline.

  20. Oh Julie -- I love it you naughty girl. I think you'd like my post "Married Sex." It's perhaps a bit naughtier and more pitiful than yours and it's a bit messed up due to moving from Blogspot, but I do so hope you'll read at your leisure...

  21. Rich with sensory description. The "copper-penny tang" was one of many amazing details.

    Great one, Julie!

  22. Even though it's late, you left us with a nice creepy tale.

  23. There are so many great lines that I would have to quote your entire story! I had to read this one twice, because I didn't want to miss a single detail! This had all the ingredients for the perfect adult Halloween story to be enjoyed throughout the year! Julie

  24. I have a noisy neighbor too but mine's much different! They just hang out in the yard and talk VERY LOUDLY for hours at a time.

    Sorry I haven't been by lately. School and work keep me really busy.

  25. Wow, I love this story too! So talented to be able to put all those 'pieces' together and write something so good. :-)

  26. Yahoo! Er, Ride 'em, Cowgirl?
    Nice work, Julie, I am impressed!!!

  27. Like EmptyNest/Julie, I needed to re-read this. It's fabulous. I especially love "At the foot of the bed, a third one moans softly." And now I could use a cold shower.
    Happy Halloween, Julie.

  28. Really well done, Julie. I love the sensory descriptions :-)


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